This is just the tip of the dungheap


You know how it is when an idea or a story is nagging at the back of your mind and you just can’t shake it off? Oh you guessed that right! That’s me right now. The past two months had me questioning my sanity – is this even normal?

There is a story brewing in my mind and some of it I’ve already written down, some still are waiting to be written. Is it so unusual then, to sleep and to wake up with that story in your mind? You feel as if the characters are real and that they will take up mass, weight and space if you just thought hard enough. Like they will appear in the flesh before you if you just concentrate hard enough. I even find myself speaking dialogues out loud in various places around the house. My mind usually lingers to that story, to the characters, to the scenarios. It sounds a little scary, because sometimes there’s just this distortion between reality and fantasy, especially when I am so immersed with this story. It gets distracting, really – maybe that’s why writers just write and take trips and just be alone.

Should I discard this story or finish it until the end? The scarier part is not knowing when this will be finished. I want to take my time writing it, but I need to find that ground where I could dip my toes occasionally in the fantasy yet having the rest of my body in reality. I need to live with these characters inside me without destroying the synchronism of my everyday life. Seriously, I talk nuts and feel nuts right now, but this needs to be acknowledged.

What’s more dangerous is the fact that I want to make my characters as real as possible – inventing their physical features (sometimes their faces coincides with real people which I try to avoid), their lives, hobbies, values, morals, speaking voice, history, etc. And when all that’s finished, it would feel as if I have met them somewhere!  Moreover, I try to live these characters’ lives to know how it feels to be this and that. Perhaps this is what they call methodical, actors do this, there are a handful of writers who experience this, so, it’s sort of a relief when you know you’re not alone. At least I’ll have a mate in the double cell they will lock me in. 🙂

I really am going bananas.

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