Everything is a rush and I am lost.

“Travelling somewhere
could be anywhere
there’s a coldness in the air
yeah but i don’t care
we drift deeper into the song
life goes on
we drift deeper into the sound
feeling strong… so bring it on…”

As I listen to this wonderful Armin Van Buuren song, I realise these things: 1) Yes there is a coldness in the air, 2) Frankly I don’t care, and 3) December is the time when everything is a rush! Keep up or get called a loser.

I am a loser.

Frankly, I am lost in the chaos. Let’s see… juggling the heavy workload with weekend parties, important social gatherings (reunions of all sorts here), Christmas shopping, extra curricular activities (clubs, organizations), relationships and other spur of the moment demands that queue up.

At work, cut-off dates are earlier than usual. The clients and colleagues are demanding this and that, knowing full well that a lot of offices will be closed during the holidays. You get all sorts of things in the publishing world, really. Responsibilities are doubled, whether you like it or not.

At home, honestly, at this point I couldn’t say how things are faring in there now. The last time I was home, we were all relaxed due to a local holiday. Things were good. But now? All my sisters are busy at school, Mom and Dad with work, most probably. I am sure we don’t have Christmas decorations yet, and the house is in need of another round of general cleaning. It feels good to stretch and get my hands dirty sometime, but cleaning our house just isn’t an ideal task right now. I feel like by now I should have graduated from all that stuff! But as the second big sister, I should set the example. *groans* Meaning I should take a trip home, empty a day or two for this gruesome task.

Social gatherings. Well, December is so full of that! I am all for reunions and gatherings and walking down memory lanes, but I lack the energy, the resources and lately the desire to be present at all of them. Frankly, I am checking my list, checking it twice – to find out where I want to go and why.

Spending and other money-related things. I am guilty of this. I have already shopped too much for myself this year. Ka-ching, ka-ching. So now, with not enough funds to support my bourgeoisie life, cutting back is in order. Of course, tighter purse strings mean less of everything. Frankly, I am thrilled to cut back on things, what with all the bills and stuff to be paid… Damn it.

Health concerns. This and that. A trip to the doctor is needed but I keep pushing it back. Hmm. My deadline is before December ends. And by God I’ll get it over with.

Other concerns. This is the part where I am concerned with other people’s concerns, struggles, etc., and I try to find solutions for their concerns, because it makes me feel better, helping them get a little of what they need/want. It feels great. But sometimes, it takes up a lot of me, but I just couldn’t shake them all off. Right?

You could only take so much, hm? And with all of these piled-up…

Ah, with everything instant and fast-paced, it is very easy to get lost! But the key is to just STOP. If we feel we are no longer productive, perhaps we should temporarily stop to loosen our muscles, to relax, to ease the tension, to just stay still and look for that centre of calm present in all of us. It is not easy, with all the distractions present, but quiet moments are important. Then maybe we can find that balance again.

Not everything should be rushed. Maybe if we just stopped to breathe a while, we’ll find our way back to well, that path we are following. Yeah, I really should say this to myself. In a way I did – by a matter of this blog.


4 thoughts on “Everything is a rush and I am lost.

  1. Must be the holidays, Micah. I did feel this way, too, hence my post for today.

    P.S. I missed you in my WordPress Reader. Keep writing, my friend!

    • I read your post. Left a comment in there, too – dunno if you got it, used my mobile web browser…

      Aww thanks dear. 🙂 On hiatus mode. The writing’ll come. 🙂

  2. 최다해 gongjumonica says:

    I feel worse. Everytime I check my personal mails, I have this minimum of 50 emails and I feel 24 hours in a day are not enough to fit my work, reading, reviewing, blogging, and hanging out! 😦 Miss Jae may be right – must be the holiday rush! Pardon the pun 😀

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